There are myriad reasons why dating is so hard, though one psychologist we talked to says that it should be hard to a degree. And while technology has made some facets of dating easier, it has also complicated others.
You’re not alone if you’re feeling this way. Data shows that nearly half of Americans think dating is harder now than it was 10 years ago.
Some reasons include more physical and emotional risk, advances in technology, it being harder to meet people, and shifting societal expectations.
The paradox of choice is that it’s actually harder to pick the more options you have.With the advent of dating apps and social media connecting us to more than just the people we know in our areas or might serendipitously meet somewhere, if you’re thinking dating now is harder than it was in your parents’ generation or even ten or fifteen years ago, you’re not wrong.
Personal Expectations
Many people go into a date thinking or hoping that this may be their last date—or this is the person they’re going to marry. It may be rooted in a romantic fantasy that has been building since childhood.
Societal Expectations
Though this seems to be changing, albeit slowly, many of us were raised seeing the typical family unit depicted in culture as a heternormative married couple of a man and a woman with two kids and a house in the suburbs
The animated movies and fairy tales many of us absorbed as children were heavy on a damsel in distress being rescued by the prince and living happily ever after. Thus, many women were socialized to believe that they “needed” a man to take care of them, and perhaps they also learned that messaging at home, if their parents were very traditional.
Because our culture is changing, it also creates some tension in dating as the traditional norms are being examined and dismantled by some and embraced by others—partners may have vastly different views on what gender roles should be—or if they should exist at all within relationships.
Dating Apps
If you’re currently out in the dating world, odds are high that you’re using a dating app.
Safety
People, particularly women, are perhaps more worried about their safety than they’ve ever been before.
Social Media
Additionally, social media gives us the illusion of visibility into others’ relationships in ways we’ve never had access to before. Illusion, because most people aren’t posting about that big fight they had last night or the difficult parts of navigating a relationship through adversity.
What to Do About Dating Being So Hard
There’s ways to get through it and even enjoy it while you’re looking for your mate.
Have Fun
Be determined to relax and have fun with the dating process. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself or your date to meet all of the criteria of a potential marriage partner. Make it an opportunity to get to know new people, and even get to know yourself better.
Keep a Log
Dating is so hard for many because of a loss of a sense of control. You may feel you are being judged, compared to others, and a little unsure of yourself. For some, it can feel like a massive mind game, and you even may start to wonder if your mind is playing tricks on you.
Hedge Your Bets
Many people are so uncomfortable with uncertainty and liminality that they rush into relationships. Learn to become a little more comfortable in the gray areas of the getting-to-know-you stages.
Taking breaks can help if you feel burnt out, or you might want to consider talking to a mental health professional if you can’t stop thinking about this or you feel like you are having an especially hard time with dating.