Our experiences and decisions—including the good and the not-so-pretty—ultimately help inform who we are today and can have a lasting impact on our world. As important as past experiences are, though, they don’t have to define us or hold us back in our present lives or our future.
It is worth mentioning, in life, many of us are stuck in the past and lose ourselves in the present.
Learning how to unchain yourself from past traumas or regrets is one of the most freeing things you can do for yourself. Not only does it release you from stifling guilt or paralyzing fears, but it sets you up to jump into a future that’s exciting and fulfilling.
Why Letting Go Is Important ?
It’s easier said than done, but letting go of the past and fully stepping into the future can benefit you and your relationships from every direction.
The tricky part, of course, is that letting go isn’t exactly easy.
While acknowledging the past can still come in handy in today’s world, letting those negative experiences permeate our everyday moves or greater existence can ultimately backfire when it comes to happiness and life satisfaction.
Step-By-Step Guide to Letting Go of the Past
As challenging and emotionally taxing as it may be, letting go of painful feelings and experiences is a process we can learn and practice over time.
Step 1: Acceptance
Acceptance is deeply powerful. By acceptance, we mean sidestepping denial and avoiding strong desires to change reality. It’s about accepting the world as it is, people as they are, and you as yourself.
Step 2: Forgiveness
Forgiveness follows acceptance. Once we’re able to accept the things we cannot change, it becomes easier to step forward and make peace with the past.
This also means forgiving yourself and practicing self-compassion. This may be even more difficult than forgiving others, particularly if you struggle with feeling worthy or deserving.
However, studies have shown that doing the work to forgive ourselves has a positive effect on our well-being by helping us become more positive and reducing depressive feelings.
Step 3: Focus on the Present
Mindfully focusing on the present can boost feelings of happiness and put you in the driver’s seat of your thoughts and emotions, notes Busardo.
Step 4: Embrace Change
The reality of the world is that it doesn’t follow a straight path. It’s often full of twists and turns, and our ability to adapt to these changes can help us in the long-term. This is challenging for a lot of people because our brains naturally gravitate toward routine and familiarity (even if it’s negative).
Step 5: Seek Support
There’s so much to gain anytime you can lean on another’s shoulder. This step can take on many iterations, ranging from speaking with a trusted friend to seeing a therapist to attending group support sessions.
Additional Tips for Emotional Healing
Let the above guide on learning how to let go of the past serve as your guideposts. You may waver and bounce between the steps, but the goal is ultimately to practice acceptance, forgive, live in the present, embrace change, and lean on others along the way.
Here are some additional tips to help you process the past and feel excited about the present and future.
Practice Radical Acceptance
This skill involves accepting reality at face value without trying to change it.
Remember That We’re All Complex and Imperfect
When someone hurts us, our first instinct may be to assign malicious intent to them. Sometimes, though, rewiring our thought process to recognize that humans complex and imperfect can release us from some of that hurt
Leanza says that seeing this person as a “suffering human” or complex figure (versus pure villain) can help you view them through a kinder and more empathetic lens, which helps in forgiveness.
Draw Boundaries Where Necessary
While accepting others’ imperfections can help us see them in a more forgiving light, some scenarios require us to create firm boundaries that help protect our emotional well-being.
When a person remains unchanged and continues to re-open past wounds—hurting us or draining us in the process—this is a sign that we should be more deliberate and self-protective in the way we communicate or interact with them.
Use Daily Affirmations
A repeated mantra can help rewire your brain to let go of the past and look to the future.
Learning how to let go of past wounds, regrets, and experiences is a skill that we must learn and practice. Even initiating the process can have great benefits, such as decreased suffering and improved relationships. Over time, we’ll become better at accepting the past and the world around us, find more forgiveness and peace, and live a fulfilling life that looks to the present and future.