Sharing space, bringing you and kids into a new environment, feeling pressured to socialize when you want to rest, adjusting your sleep schedule, using someone else’s bathroom, removing or keeping your shoes on, eating different types of food — can make being a houseguest stressful. But why?
According to Shawn Burn, professor of psychology at California Polytechnic State University, it’s because people are temporarily losing their primary territory.
When separated from this space, people can feel stress about meeting their basic needs (such as having privacy to use the bathroom, eating different food, getting enough sleep), being unable to perform “stress-reducing habitual behaviors” (such as working out, reading, drinking a beer or glass of wine, watching a favorite TV show) and handling interpersonal matters (such as conflicts with other people, splitting costs).
To ease these psychological stressors, Diane Gottsman, modern etiquette expert and the founder of the Protocol School of Texas, suggests that guests and hosts communicate before the stay.
Having these types of conversations beforehand helps both parties feel more comfortable, so they aren’t walking on pins and needles for their entire visit. However, Gottsman emphasizes, guests also need to be respectful of their hosts’ house rules and routines and keep things tidy.
It’s also important to remember that when someone, especially a friend or family member, is offering you a free place to stay, it can feel like an obligation to say yes, but you can say no. Versoza and her husband have found that staying in a hotel with her kids makes their visits to see family in the summer much more enjoyable.
